They say your life flashes before your eyes when death is near, but that's just another myth. A numbness runs through you that somehow lets your body know that this is it. This is the end–– the end that you hear everyone talk about. And after that? You grasp onto the last breath you'll ever take and that's when the coolness approaches. The tingling's replaced with chills like the ones you get when you sit outside watching the stars on a cool summer night. And soon it's all over–– at last the world is at peace and you are gone.

"Whenever I see you in the halls I just want to hug you and be with you,

and I know I'm just another face that crosses your mind but that doesn't really mean anything to you

Yet I still stay optimistic and hope you learn to look

at me how I look at you

But the truth is, I'm just not what you want and I

was almost okay with that.

Almost.

One hour in a room with you takes me back to our meaningless, detached December conversations

We locked eyes several times and you gave me that 

intense gaze

And now I'm hooked yet again

I can't get you off my mind

But soon you'll be gone, and I'll get over it.

My mind likes to play tricks on me.

The silly thing is, I don't even have anything to get

over.

You and I aren't anything.

We're nothing."

"' It takes time"

"give it time"

everyone was telling me with time I would heal, I would get over it, and missing you would be a feeling I'd come to forget. but its been 6 months and I feel the same way I felt that night. its been 6 months and everyone thinks I've moved on and I'm way past it, but the truth is I'm so far behind."

"I'm scared, no scratch that, I'm terrified. My worst fear is that in 5 years, I'll still be in love with you. When I'm laying beside my boyfriend of 2 years at 1 in the morning, I'll notice that his eyes are the opposite from your bright green ones. That when he smiles, his dimples doesn't even show like yours. When he touches me, I don't feel out of breath or get a warm feeling in my stomach. I'm terrified that even if he's truly in love with me, I won't be in love with him."

"And I don't know what it is that has got me hooked on you, But I can't get your fingerprints off my heart, or touch off of my skin. All I know is that every night I lay there missing you. Craving you, needing you."

Everything is calm and still. For once you can relax and watch as everything you dreaded so much is finally gone, over with. The thing you've been waiting for has now arrived. No more nights passed out in the bathroom not realizing your parents are shaking and calling your name. The pool of blood seeping into their jeans as they lay beside you, holding you close. No more mornings waking up in a hospital bed with a pain you can't describe, not remembering what put you there this time. Your parents will never be missing knives, ropes, or anything you can get your hands on. The fight that's never quite finished actually is and your smile can go back to being real. To take your own life is control in itself. The way it's done has no meaning. It's the fact that you finally gained enough strength to put a stop to the hell you've been living in for way too long. The pain will no longer be yours. And in the end, that was the point... To not feel anymore.